In my last Entry, I told you, my friends, not to lie to yourself and to be who you are. You will have read about how I lied to myself to be caring to others, but there was something else I failed to mention... I lied to save myself. I was a Superhero before I even knew it. And the first victim I saved, was me.
One of the hardest thing to do when being bullied, is to tell someone. Being bullied is a sign of weakness; it's an embarrassing thing to have to admit. No-one wants to be the victim. And I'm saddened to admit, that I was the victim. For 3 years I was tormented, physically attacked, and my life made a horror, for no reason what-so-ever. Their reason (the bullies') was that I was gay. I hadn't even come out, and there were no tell-tale signs that I was gay, either, but it was kind of them to assume anyway. I will spare you the details - I don't want to make myself (or you, my friends) miserable, recounting my trials. The important thing about it is, what I learnt from it...
I believe, whole honestly, that I would not be the man I am today, were it not for being bullied: I gained confidence; the strength to stand up to what I believe in; and the urge to help others in the same position like I was. It's a pity I had to endure 3 years of horror to feel this way now, but I don't regret it.
You see, bullies bully to make themselves feel good, and to make their victim feel bad. At the time, yes, they succeeded... but after, they failed miserably! I rose up and became the Larry Landers I am today! And I love being me! So... bullies...? I won! And you lose!
I believe, whole honestly, that I would not be the man I am today, were it not for being bullied. I am gay, and back then I was gay too... I knew I was... I felt it in my heart (and other regions), but I can't help but wonder, did the bullies have a part in my becoming gay? Did the repeated accusations that I was gay, condition my sexuality? Did it make me sub-consciously think I was gay, and eventually turn me?
...No.
I was gay from the beginning. I knew I didn't want a sexual relationship with females long before the bullying took place. But it is an interesting thought isn't it? If anything, the bullies made me realise I was gay, before I found it out myself. I am a firm believer that being gay is not psychological, or can be controlled or altered. One is born gay, and when the time is right, your body tells you. Hormones are frustrating little buggers when growing up - they like to confuse you: "You're gay... no, you're straight... wait, no... you're gay... no... you're straight... actually...". But eventually, they get bored and give it to you straight (no pun intended). And when that day comes, it's pretty plain sailing from then on (well it is for me at least). You no longer have to pretend in order to fit in... try to steer the conversation the other way when asked if you have a girlfriend... agree with your straight friends when talking about a hot girl (not that all straight people do is talk about hot girls, of course).
I am a Superhero, because I saved myself from falling. I rose up out of the darkness and took back what was wrongly stripped away from me. And now, I am here to save you. I'm not going to tell you that what happened to me will happen to you too, my friends. What you experience may be a lot worse than what I did, heaven forbid. I cannot ascertain that everything will be alright, but I am here hoping. But I am an example, that sometimes, things can go right for you. And that next person could be you, my friends. I hit my lowest point once upon a time, and it did seem it would never resolve... but it eventually did. It just takes a lot of willpower, good friends and family, and a Superhero... and I can assure you now, that that Superhero is probably you...
I am just the Ghost of Stories Past...
This is my story...
But one day, this story will be yours...
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