Entry #2 - My Pre-Queer Beginning...

I had previously posted Entry #2, but then decided to delete it in the end. In it, it detailed a list of names of my previous girlfriends and the reasons for our break ups. After a nights sleep and a few hours waking thought, I thought it wrong of me to publicise their names to demonstrate my failure at being a heterosexual male.

My friends, you need to know that an integral part of my becoming LimeLight: The Not So Superhero, is that I am gay... a gay Superhero. It has been continuing thing for 20 years now, but it took me 16 years before I acted upon it...

I removed the list of my previous girlfriends' names for they were not to become merely numbers on a page. In a nutshell, however, I can tell you, that each relationship ended due to the failure of our becoming a fully formed couple: I refused advances from the females to 'further' our relationship, because I knew, even from the ages of 11-16 (when my 'heterosexual' years were at its peak), that I was gay, yet I continued the facade. One could say I messed the girls around by doing so, but I stayed with them, and asked them out on dates, to make them happy. I knew they wanted to be with me and I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I have wondered whether pretending to wanting to be with them ever hurt their feelings, however, by the time our relationships ended, they weren't bothered if they lost me or not... I was a brick wall when it came to progressing our relationships physically. I couldn't do it. There was no attraction. I couldn't help it. And after days, weeks, months and even years of trying, one by one, they all gave up on me.

I knew I was gay, but I couldn't point my finger for definite and say "Yes, Larry Landers, you are gay... you are a gay man!", because I had no experience with girls, sexually, other than kissing. That was until I had a rather unpleasant sexual experience with my last ever girlfriend, which made me, right then and there, realise that I was 100% gay. And I haven't looked back since.

Although the first 5 years of my romantic and sexual awakening was wasted, I don't regret it. The females I dated, for however long each relationship lasted, were my friends at least. And in the end, it taught me about the importance of friendship (sickeningly corny, I know), but I realise now that I shouldn't have lied to myself. I should have enjoyed their friendship and not pretended in order to fit in at school. You, my friends, should never have to lie to yourself. Be true. Always.

And now, here I am, 4 years on. And for it, I am a better, happier person.

And to end Entry #2, I have a question to ask you, and something to think about till next time: 

Would you want to be saved by a gay Superhero? The answer, my friends, I hope is 'yes'... because my saving you has already begun...